I believe!!!

If you don’t believe in miracles… You should!!

Wowza!!!! If I had written this on Saturday, Sunday, or even yesterday… My tone and attitude would be completely different! But something very special happened and I need/WANT to share it with the world!

On Saturday, my husband, Jim, was able to speak with Matthew on the phone. He was happy that Matthew was able to talk but Jim knew… Matthew wasn’t all there. His brain still wasn’t where it needed to be. Matthews lungs were healing some and the process of weaning him off the ventilator is ongoing. Yet, we were hopeful and felt good that Matthew was going to at least going to survive his accident.

Move forward to Monday – the medical team decides it’s time to remove the tracheal tube – AWESOME news! He’s getting stronger! He’s fighting!

Now Tuesday rolls around and Matthew’s  grandmother is sitting with him when the “brain” doctor stops in. He sits down and spends a long time with Matthew. Talking with him, quizzing him, listening, etc… And are you ready for this?!?! The Doctor looked at Matthew and told him ” YOU are a miracle! You shouldn’t even be alive right now with all the brain trauma you had.” He rated Matthew a 28 on a scale of 1 to 30 on his brain function. Still not perfect… But damn… Pretty amazing! I’m not sure my own brain would rank a 28 on this Doctors scale. Do you know how important this is?!? His physical injuries to his arms and legs are severe. He is going to need every bit of “brain” he’s got to do the physical therapy that awaits him. There is no doubt in my mind he’s going to be able to get better. Will he ever be 100%? At this rate… WE BELIEVE!!

There have people all over the world praying and sending their support to Matthew and our family! We must thank you over and over again. I don’t doubt for a minute that each of you made a difference. I’ve always believed in miracles but seeing it happen within your own family…is just amazing!

THANK YOU!!!

Cautiously Optimistic

So what’s going on with that boy Matthew of ours now you ask?

Maybe the question should be … What ISN’T going on?!?! It’s been a bumpy ride these last few days. Serious complications with the lungs have been the biggest issue. Life threatening is the best way to describe it! Matthew was in a rotating bed for FIVE days and numerous other types of treatment to help his lungs function and circulation issues. These were all considered “last ditch efforts” just to save his life!! We’ve been on pins and needles as you can imagine. Not to mention he’s been heavily sedated almost to the point of an induced coma. Now I don’t know about you, but the word coma is enough to send any parent in to sheer panic mode. And what about the brain? There’s just no way to tell when you’re knocked out like that!

5 days pass, he’s put back in a regular bed, sedation reduced and that little toot actually woke up!! I’m not joking! Who jokes about that kind of stuff anyway? He’s been coughing and coughing. And then there was the massive amount of vomiting as his body rid itself of all that “gunk” inside him… And then… And then… He spoke!!!! Git outta here!! He really did! He called his brother FAT! Now normally, I’d fuss at him for that. Not this time! He was also able to nod his head when he was asked if he was in pain!!! WTHeck? There’s something going on there in that brain!!

Now these are itty, bitty, baby steps of course. And each day he’s progressing. He’s now talking a little more! They even sat him up in his bed and tried some physical therapy on all his broken limbs. Remember? Both legs, both arms, and right hand severely mangled! He’s no longer on a respirator and can breathe on his own! That’s HUGE! Tracheal tube and feeding tube still in. Still chances of complications blah… Blah… Blah… He’s got a long, long, road to recovery. We still don’t know about the brain function although it’s looking pretty good. And no doubt, he is going to have some physical limitations the rest of his life. We’re worried about him using his hands and arms because of the severe damage done there.

I know I’m getting ahead of myself because he is going to have many, many, months of recovery – if not years- ahead of him. Still wondering what exactly is going on with that brain! But we’re focusing on the good stuff! The small miracles we’re seeing each day! He’s a fighter! He was BEFORE the accident and he is NOW! This kid has always been hell on wheels! I’m hoping that once he recovers more from this accident that he just might tame the beast inside him a little! Now THAT would be a miracle to me!!!

Tick Tock Tick Tock

Tick Tock says the clock. Waiting, waiting, waiting…

Surely you know by now what we’re waiting for right? That hard-headed boy of ours, Matthew! He’s still in critical condition in ICU out in Phoenix! Damn motorcycles! He’s tried to come around several times but he’s still having serious issues with his lungs and a persistent cough. So… We… Wait… We still need to know what’s going on in his head. There’s been some good signs like nodding his head when asked if he’s in pain. But because of the sedation needed to help with the coughing and breathing he’s in and out.

Now how on earth does one go about business when your adult child is still fighting for his life? It’s not easy but we’re trying. Luckily, Matthew’s mother & grandparents are there by his side. He’s not alone! I feel l need to tell everyone that because people judge – you know it’s true. But, living in Missouri, with two other boys in college that need to be provided for – Dad needs to work – Stepmom needs to work!  So in the whole big scheme of things as a parents, all children are covered! Even those kiddos in Texas! Updates, phone calls, trickle down the chain so everyone is informed and aware.

Spike can lose himself in the world of taxes, accounting, and numbers. Yuck! Not my cup of tea! Let’s face it – I’m much better with numbers when it involves spending… Not going to apologize… I like to shop!

I lose myself in Jazzercise! Even though it’s only an hour teaching a day. There’s so much more that goes on. I handle all the Social Media accts – Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram! I am a marketing machine! Constantly creating things to post, taking pictures, researching marketing strategies for social media. And here you thought all along I was a social butterfly! Well, I kind of am, but I’m using it to our advantage at Como Jazzercise.

Then there’s learning routines, putting sets together, blah, blah, blah… Sounds boring right? Not for me! I thrive on this! I learn routines quickly and barely struggle with new moves having danced most my life. Putting together a set is not as difficult as some make it out to be for me either. Follow the guidelines and don’t over think it. Needless to say – I LOVE MY JOB!

Tick Tock Tick Tock… Still waiting…

Cat lady – Part 1

Bevo Butt

Let me tell you about one of my kitties. Well, I call them kitties, but they believe they’re something much more. What? I have no idea! A dog? A people? Rulers of the world? You get my drift – my cats are spoiled rotten!

My orange kitty’s name is Bevo Butt. Yes, I give my cats middle names! Doesn’t everyone? I found this little boy underneath a bush one day while I was walking my dogs. (I’ll save my dog stories for another day.) I heard this pitiful little “mew mew” and went searching. I climbed in to a neighbors landscaping in their front yard and there was the little ball of orange fur. I immediately scooped him up and headed home.

Now my husband Spike is not a cat person – AT ALL! He was in the driveway as I walked up and showed him my newly found treasure. My exact words to him – JUST GO WITH IT! Now this little creature was teeny tiny. And one of his eyes was matted shut. Spike looks at him and says … We don’t need a one-eyed cat! I immediately wrapped him up in a soft towel and got on the Internet. How do I take care of this baby? I knew he was much too young to eat on his own. Bottle feed it they said! But it’s fairly late in the evening where do I get kitten formula? Wally World! Who knew?

I handed off my bundle of joy to my stepson Adam and raced to the store. Kitten formula, bottles, baby blankets and TOYS! Oh yeah – LOTS of toys!!! Mommy’s coming baby boy and I’m going to take good care of you!

First step, his little eye! Warm washcloth compress and before you know it – he actually had 2 eyes! Next came making the formula, good grief it’s been over 20 years since I’ve done that. And I was scared!! I read the directions at least 3x and then we filled ‘er up. Come here little kitty – Mommy is going to feed you now. (Okay, I admit, I got back on the Internet several times so as to assure I was using the proper technique.) And…. VOILA… He was sucking that formula right down. There were a few pauses as I put him on my shoulder and burped him. Because that’s what you do! The Internet told me! It also told me I had to do this every 4 hours?!? So… For the next 2 weeks I camped out on the couch and snuggled and bottle fed my baby boy.

Now I’m getting ahead of myself. I also had to help him potty! Warm washcloth to the bootie and baby wipes did the trick there and that’s all I got to say about that. Ewwwww!!!

In the meantime I was trying to think of a name for this precious little kitty. Well, let’s see, he’s burnt orange, and has a distinct marking on his head that looks like horns. And my favorite football team IS the Texas Longhorns. And their colors are burnt orange and Longhorns have horns (duh). The Longhorns mascot names is Bevo and now it’s my new kitties name too! Easy peasey just like that! And the middle name Butt? Shoot, I don’t know – it just sounded good together.

2 days later I got Bevo to the vet and they determined he was only 3 weeks old. His mean mommy must have abandoned him so now he’s mine! I bottle fed, helped him potty, purred to him, and played with him. I actually saved his life because a wild animal would have snatched him up for dinner.

Bevo is about a year and half old now and just might be the best kitty I ever had. And you know who he loves the most? SPIKE! It’s true – they are the best of buds. Now don’t get me wrong, he loves me too. He loves me when I feed him, change his litter box, throw his mouse and play fetch, and buy him toys! I’m kidding, he loves me more than that… But he loves his Daddy more. And I’m ok with that! Because Spike, we do need this TWO eyed cat and you know you love him too!

It takes all kinds!

I’ve always known what a special group of women the Columbia Jazzercise Instructors are. And this tragedy in our family has just reinforced the friendships and sisterhood we have with one another. The picture above isn’t even all of our team – there are 19 beautiful women who share the love and passion for Jazzercise and each other. You would think with 19 women, there would be some cat fighting, competition, or back stabbing amongst us. But not once EVER does this happen. I don’t know why or how we’re so lucky to have this within our team. I can tell you this – every single one of us recognizes it’s one of our strengths and I just don’t think any of us want to mess that up.

So when the accident occurred 2 weeks ago with Matthew (2 weeks! It seems just like yesterday!), these women stepped it up and ran to my rescue. It made me realize that while we’re all so passionate, we each have a special quality that really makes each one of us special.

Let me tell you about our team!

First there’s me – Kim. I’m the oldest and have often been called the “heart and soul” of our team. Or Mama Jazzercise! I look after those girls and make sure I’m always there if they need a sub or anything else. I strive to keep us close through thick and thin.

Laura – our center owner! And probably one of the smartest, humblest, giving women in the world. She IS our fearless leader and keeps us on our toes. Always challenging us to be the best! During this time of hardship, she is keeping me on track business wise. Talks over marketing ideas, social media, upcoming events, etc…. She helped distract me yet was also there with compassion and love.

Sarah – the practical one. So smart and intelligent. She’s talked with me and had those practical conversations about insurance and what the future might be for our family. Reasonable expectations and advice the entire time.

Tricia – the one who made me laugh. She reminded me I was strong and helped me see the humor in things that have happened. She kept it light-hearted. She let me cry. She let me say things that I was thinking and assured me my feelings were normal. (I always laugh when I think of me and normal together lol!)

Carrie – the compassionate one. She never had to say much but her kind words, touches on the shoulder, and caring looks to me, let me know she was behind me all the way.

Lisa – Miss Reliable! She was up early every morning sending me a text and being “on call” if I needed a sub.

Michelle – the pharmacist. She was able to answer any medical questions I had and help me understand why things were being done to Matthew.

Cynthia – the sister! She calls me everyday. She lets me cry. Lash out and say angry things. She understands my feelings without judging and again, assures me I’m normal. (Baaaa Haaaa)

Claire – the spiritual one. She prays with me and let’s me know God is with us and watching over us.

Jodie – my Jazzerdaughter! Not my real daughter but she’s the same age as Tracee and she helped me by coming over and letting me talk and explain things to her as I would with my own daughter. I had to be strong and show her that “Mom” can handle this.

Mary – the one who knows exactly what to say to relieve my fears and tension. A great lunch buddy and positive compadre!

Erica, Jenn, Megan, Alyssa, Kate, Ashley, Mary Ann, Dana – daily emails, prayers, hugs, you name it! These girls were on it!

Yah, no doubt about it – we have the CoMo Mojo and we are truly a team thru thick or thin. I’d give my right arm for any one of these women any day/any time!

I LOVE MY JAZZERSISTAS!

What’s going on in there?

Just when you think it’s never going to happen – it does! Sort of….

My stepson thought it was about time to open his eyes and see the world today! What? What? What? Are you kidding me??? NOPE! HE DID! Only for about an hour but hey… We’ll take it! As you can imagine, we are jumping for joy! Literally jumping and crying!

Now before you get all giddy with me and start jumping yourself – let me tell you the rest of the story!

Yes, he woke up and started looking around. We were able to FaceTime with his mom and actually see what the heck was going on. Our initial excitement quickly turned in to an even deeper fear. His mom was rubbing his head and he was cooing. He was blowing raspberries like a 6 month old baby. Imagine what our thoughts are now! While we’re terribly excited, we’re also very scared! That vibrant healthy 23 year old boy is now a baby! Is he going to improve and progress forward? No one knows! Each day, each hour, each minute, is a waiting game. It’s so hard! He needs to “grow up” so that physical therapy can begin for the arms and legs. He needs to be able to talk and tell us what he needs.

He is still in critical condition – feeding tube, tracheal tube, and all those flipping wires and machines surround his broken body. He’s certainly not out of the woods by any means. But today we witnessed a small miracle as we watched him open his eyes and look at us. Does he know who he’s looking at? Will he remember what happened? Will he ever be the same? So many unanswered questions that we have to sit back and patiently wait for!

Have I told you I’m not a patient person? Have I told you how angry I get over this situation? Have I told you how hopeless I feel? Does today’s little progress reassure me that everything is going to be ok? No one ever knows how quickly life can change! I don’t wish this on anyone!

More than just a Fitness Instructor

So in the midst of the turmoil and tragedy we are facing each day, Spike and I also are trying to maintain the normalcy – if you could call it that! We often joke about how our lives would be a hit television sitcom. It’s never boring! There is so much laughter, goofiness, and silly antics going on each day. It’s just how we live and love one another!

Each day I wake up at 5:00am! I got stuff to do! I’m a creature of habit and I could go through my morning routine with my eyes closed. Wakeup, feed the cats, feed the dogs, eat my breakfast (and that’s the same everyday too), play my 2 games on my iPad, make my daily posts for Columbia Jazzercise on all the social media accts, scroll through my news feed on FB liking EVERY Jazzercise related post, quick comments to friends and then….. It’s BUBBLE BATH time!!! Pure heaven! Peppermint bath salts to stimulate the mind, iPod on reviewing my set, and drinking 16 oz. of water. I splish splash around practicing a few moves and talk to my kitties as they lounge on the side of the tub. 45 minutes to wake the body and mind and then -BOOM – quickly dress for class and apply my stage face! Yes, I wear makeup to workout!!!! Do not judge! I’m all about the performance aspect of teaching! Lights, camera, ACTION!!! I’m at the center by 7:30 and on my stage at 7:55! Let’s do this!!!!

Now this is where a Jazzercise instructor wears many hats. Every routine is different and I’m a firm believer in “feeling” the music. Dance like no one is watching! I can go from “hip hop funky girl”, “hoe down country girl”,  “prima ballerina”, “power mama kick your bootie girl” – all in one action packed hour. And I can assure you I do! Every bit of my body reflects that song and routine.

I sit back and watch my students transform in to that person they never thought they could be. They’ve learned that in my classes, we just don’t dance, we FEEL! We laugh! We sing! We scream and yell! We hug! And in the midst of all this tragedy – we’ve even cry! What?!?! There’s no crying in Jazzercise!!! How I wish that were true!

But Jazzercise isn’t just about fitness! It’s about friendships. It’s about support. It’s about caring for other women who just want to lose themselves in the music and have fun. We are a family in every sense of the word. These wonderful woman of mine count on me every day to entertain, push them, motivate them, and love them. And boy do I love my girls!!! And you know what? They love me back. They’re here for me and supporting me as we face the challenges of Matthew’s accident.

They have NEVER complained to me about a routine they don’t like. Or a song that just doesn’t do it for them. They try every dance move I throw at them. If I mess up – so do they! I’ve even scratched my bootie just to see if the would during class… Guess what…. THEY DID!!! Ahhh – my girls! I love them so!

The phone call no parent ever wants to get!

Our Story

On January 10th, 2015 my husband received the phone call that no parent ever wants to get. The Phoenix Arizona  police called to say the my stepson, Matthew, was in a motorcycle wreck. My husband, Jim (who I fondly refer to as Spike), called me and told me through his tears. “Get me to Phoenix – NOW!”

Spike arrived in Phoenix early the next morning to see his 23 year old son lying in a hospital bed with every type of medical device hooked up to him you could imagine. He had two severely broken legs that now have 3 steel rods in them. Both arms were not just broken but crushed to the point that the bone had vaporized. His right hand was severely mangled. Tons of steel plates, screws, pins, and hardware are now holding them in place. Two of his ribs were broken. All bones – they can heal although the arms and hands are questionable as to how much they will be able to function.

The worst injury was to his head. SEVERE BRAIN TRAUMA – even with him having had a helmet on. Devastating news. He was unconscious and has not woken up as I write this. The longer he’s unconscious – the more damage the Doctors expect. We’re looking at 12 days now.

In an attempt to assess his brain injuries, the Docs reduced his sedatives. He opened his eyes, wiggled fingers but we were told those were nothing but reflexes. At that time, Matthews lungs collapsed. They were shutting down. Huge setback because they had to hook him up to a ventilator and heavily sedate him again.

He is now been in a 360 degree rotating bed that helps to take pressure off the lungs and help them heal. 5 long days of waiting…. Tomorrow they hope to reduce his sedatives again and put him back in a regular bed. We need him to wake up! We need to know what kind of life he will be able to live! Will he be 5 years old? Will he be confined to a bed for the rest of his life? What will his quality of life really be like?

And so that’s where we’re at…. Praying, crossing our fingers, toes, and eyes….

It just makes me happy!

I’ve always considered myself a happy and positive person

ALWAYS!

I’ve experienced my ups and downs and have always felt like I handled those trying situations. I have everything I could ask for!

But on January 10, 2015, my happy life turned upside down. My stepson, Matthew was in a horrific motorcycle accident in Phoenix. His body is badly broken. Multiple fractures everywhere and severe brain trauma. At this very moment he is still battling for his life as his lungs try to shut down and he remains unconscious. Our world will never be the same…..

The “happy” “positive” me is now digging deep to find the magic pill that’s going to keep me going as I try to remain strong for my family. How do I handle this? How do I cope? What is the answer? I guess there are probably a lot of answers out there. There are always a lot of suggestions by others. And maybe there is more than just one way to continue to be ME! Trust me, I’m latching on to anything and everything there is right now!

There is one thing that has especially given me strength besides my faith in God. It’s something that I’m passionate about every single day. It’s something that brings me laughter. It brings me joy. It brings me closer to people who have their own battles – big and small. It brings me closer to friends. It supports me. It motivates me. It keeps me healthy! And it’s fun!

I can assure you – nothing in my life is fun right now except for that 1 hour/6 days a week that I can totally lose myself in music and dancing. It may sound silly but don’t we all need that outlet? That “happy place” that nothing matters but you? Jazzercise is my place!

I invite you to follow my blog and join me on my journey as our family copes with our tragedy and finds a new normal. I’m going to share my stories and updates about Matthew as we find our way through this crazy thing called life.